She is not your enemy ♥
Let’s start with a common misconception, that self-love is conceited, selfish and unimportant. A tale I would repeatedly tell myself to continue believing the inner lies I would conjure up on a daily basis.
But guess what? The term “self-love” has evolved over the years! Starting just the way I believed it to be: vain, self serving and egotistic, it has progressed into a term of hope. Now, to me, self-love is a HEALTHY MINDSET!!! My absolute favorite way to describe it: you can’t help others if you aren’t willing to help yourself. I truly believe that truth with all my heart ♥
This post is very personal for me because from ages 14 to 27 I was CRIPPLED with the lowest of low self esteem. While I was a functioning citizen, daughter, sister, wife, etc, I was filled with self hate. I loathed myself and it ALL started with my looks.
COMPARISON WILL KILL YOU INSIDE
Why is this such a hard thing for women? Why must we compare and WHY do we turn into the worst versions of ourselves when we feel jealous, envious, threatened, etc? To be fair, it sneaks up on a gal almost out of nowhere. You hit puberty and you suddenly start comparing yourself to your friends. Why is she so much skinnier than I am? Why do all the boys like her and none of them like me?
It was a natural process in my life. I envied the other girls in my class. The saddest part is I genuinely liked them but my heart HURT when I saw them posses something I wished I could have. Comparison followed me into adulthood and into my marriage. When my husband and I went out in public and I saw a beautiful “stranger” my eyes would fill with tears because I felt so threatened by her beauty. And with absolutely no reflection on my husband, I would immediately assume he thought she was more beautiful/desirable than me! I would compare myself to women to the point of AGONY over and over and over again.
For some reason “looks” triggered all the low feelings I had about myself. It wasn’t just me feeling ugly, it was my worth. I was a slow learner, I felt stupid on a daily basis…I felt unworthy of everything in my life.
SHE IS NOT YOUR ENEMY
The girl in the mirror staring back at you is not your enemy! It took me 12 years too many to learn this IMPORTANT lesson! 12 years of self hate and holding myself back from my potential. Believe me, I understand the pain of insecurity. I have spent the past two years fighting the unhealthy mindset I had created, intentionally replacing it with healthy thoughts. And let me tell you it was one of the hardest things I have ever done but when I began to open up my mind I began to see myself in a brand new light. I began to see my potential and all the dreams that could come true!
One of the best things you could ever do for yourself is to love that girl in the mirror! Love the imperfect and most importantly NEVER compare or compete with anyone else. The “old” me was saddened by the sparkle of another woman because I didn’t know how to shine myself. In all honesty, another woman’s success should make us feel overjoyed!!! You wanna know why? Because there is room for all of us to shine! Just because the diamond next to you sparkles, doesn’t mean you can’t sparkle too! The hard truth of it all (girl please know how much I care when I say this ♥♥♥) the only person that can dim your sparkle is unfortunately, you.
Once you can understand that the girl in the mirror can make your wildest dreams come true, you have taken that first critical step.
Everything clicked when I realized “I” could be my own worst enemy OR “I” could be my best friend. I can drown myself in self pity and make zero changes to enrich my life OR I can give myself a TON of grace and one day at a time (key) make the positive changes to transform into the best me I can possibly dream of.
And guess what, SO CAN YOU ♥
THE BEST NEWS
Once you love yourself, you can move beyond your insecurity and fears and HELP people. My insecurity affected my ability to move past myself and focus on others. The truth of the matter is, when I allowed my insecurities to run my life, I allowed myself to be selfish. I was always thinking of myself. Yes, I was self tormenting every second of every day but I was still 100% focused on “me”. Breaking free means a person can be selfless!!! You can stop worrying about the “what if’s”, stop caring what other people think (in a healthy way), stop fearing “failure” and zone in on leaving your positive mark on this world! Zone in on your calling!
Just go for it girl, you’ve got this 👊